ARGH!

[remula]

MORNING
Just rewote parts of the board and helped aznearthdragon on her power point for her project thing.


ROTC
Worked on the service learning projects and briefed Col. and SGM about them. After that, did PT. Stupid people were being all rude and shit and I just started using the tick marks.. It's like, WTF, I don't have to take that shit. >O Got 11 down before they were quiet, and even then people were STILL talking. >O I told them we were gonna do 22, but when we did PT, I told Ingram to only do 15 'cause I felt bad. I wanted to give 22 push-ups PT style though.. OMG, you don't know how much.. Dumb people.. >O


ECONOMICS
Selassie went to the psychologist, so.. was alone. Had to read Chapter 04 from the book then had two pages to do in the study guide.. So easy.. After that, I just read 'cause there was nothing else to do and no one else was working.. Dumb thing.


LUNCH
Found out the results for Brigade.. OMG, so mad.. I'll write them first, up to Kearny so you can see..

Armed Drill Team Results

1st Place // Serra

2nd Place // Kearny

Unarmed Drill Team Results

1st Place // Serra
2nd Place // Scripps Ranch
3rd Place // Morse
4th Place // Mira Mesa

5th Place // Kearny

Okay, so yeah.. Good job to Armed. But Unarmed..? That's so fuckin' whack! Serra wasn't even that good!~ WTF! So bias! >O It's like, Mira Mesa was good and deserved 1st and I say we were good enough to be at least second or third. WTF is this?!~ >O Damn.. I'm so mad.. >O Outraged! >O WTF.. makes me so mad 'cause I KNOW we did good, but the marines are bias! ARGH!~ It's like.. all our hard work for nothing.. WTF.. I kinda felt like crying today, after I got over my anger, ya know? 'Cause damn... that's whack. *sigh* ;_;

For Armed.. I thought that Morse should have gotten first, 'cause even though I only watched a few Armed preformances, Morse was hella good. I think bobbleheadvi said they got 5th though, and that's a WTF moment there too.

After that, just talked about it a bit outside, then went to the range and the Armed peoplez were watching the video, so just watched with them.. Saw the end of Kearny's and then they watched Morse.


AP CALCULUS
Fixed the proposal a little, then was just reading some stuff from Google News.. After that, sent some e-mails to aznearthdragon then went over to Selassie to talk to her.. Near the end of the period, went over to bobbleheadvi and just talked to him and Dang about prom, kinda..


ADVISORY
Practiced chain sticking.. There was a sub.. They just put on a movie with 50 Cent in it.. I dunno what it's called.. Didn't really watch it much.


ART
Paint two white-ish pink sheets, then went and worked on my mosaic.. It looks like I have basically nothing done though 'cause my paper's mostly blank.. x_x BLEH!


AFTER SCHOOL
Had a staff meeting, basically.. Boring, boring.. They were making suggestions for Superior Cadet and stuff, and it's like, geez, ya know? I dunno.. people are fuckin' bias.. and then, of course, I'm never appreciated 'cause it's like, I do all this fuckin' work and pick up people's slack and what do I get in return? No acknowledgement what-so-ever. Seriously, I do so much and I even voice my opinions and shit, unlike in middle school, and I STILL get no recognition. It's like, why don't I just quit if my work and ideas mean so little? Fuckin' assholes.. Especially Eric. I hate him. He's a bastard! >O

When Eric asked for candidates for Superior Cadet for LET3, they were all like, "Oh, who's a LET3?" and it's like, WTF, can't even think of me. If I didn't voice myself as a candidate, they wouldn't have either. I know for sure. And then after I said "ME!" Eric was like, "Oh, well, that's a possibility..." and it's like, IMO, that's not a possibility, it's the ONLY CHOICE 'cause seriously. I have two fuckin' jobs. I get my fuckin' work done. I actually DO my work. Guess that doesn't count for shit anymore, does it? I'm sure eveyone else does that too! Oh wait! They don't! Oh... well, huh. How 'bout that? Let's add in the fact that I'm class rank number one on top of all that? Still not deserving enough of the Superior Cadet medal? Ah, well.. what do I know? I'm just the only staff member that does anything and is always there, always reliable. Not like I'm in the know and shit. Not like I keep people up to date and stuff. I only make the schedule and post things on the board and remind people to do stuff when they have to. No significance at all, I'm sure.

And, of course, to make matters worse, when Eric asked for any other suggestions, someone ((I dunno who)) was like, "Edmon?" and I was thinking, 'OMFG' 'cause seriously! That right there just meant that I got beat out by someone not even in RO this semester. Not only that, someone was willing to nominate EDMON and I was stuck having to nominate myself. It's like, how can I even win? I've done SO freaking MUCH this semester and I'm beat out by someone not in RO and someone who has even less responsibility than me. Just goes to show some things, wouldn't you say? But then again, who am I to judge?

Later on, they were talking about the Khronicle and trying to divide up the months to do it and all. Then Eric was like, "Oh, Helen, you don't have to do anything" and it's like, WTF. They shouldn't even consider ASKING me to do anything since I do so much already. But then again, I disagree because I have no reservations about taking up another job if asked to with a valid reason. Especially considering that it's the Khronicle we're talking about, only one of the jobs of the S-5 position, the one I wanted in the first place. I wouldn't have given any second thoughts about taking on that project because OMG, that's what I wanted to do. I wanted to make the Khronicle. I wanted to make the website. I wanted to make the scrapbook. I could definitely take on the bulletin board, the magnetic battalion board in the office, and taken the Service Learning stuff on too because OMG, that was my plans from the beginning, before I got stuck with S-3. I wouldn't mind at all because I was WILLING to take that stuff on from when I interviewed for that position two times in a row. There are no ifs, ands, or buts. As of now though, I don't think I would care if the thing looked like shit 'cause that's probably what it'll look like in the end. Let them all do their fine ass job. I'm tired of everything.

I told Eric and them that I was tired of their shit today too. I didn't say it like that though.. More like, "I'm tired of picking up the slack" 'cause seriously, I am. I have to schedule the NCO Boards. I have to schedule the Officer's Boards. I have to schedule the Cadet Club meetings. I have to schedule the Cadet of the Month Boards. All these things, yes, I'm suppose to schedule, but at the same time, I do it ON MY OWN. I don't really consult the people in charge about it. I just write it out and tell them that, yes, they ARE doing the board and NO, they most certainly CANNOT keep delaying it because it's been on the board for well over a week and yes, everyone knows. If it weren't for me constantly reminding them of their work, if it weren't for me thinking ahead, if it weren't for me being there to say something, I'm positively sure there wouldn't be a board or whatever until Col. asked about it. I've seen for myself in the beginning of the year when I just let it flow for, like, the first month or two. I know that I'm invaluable to losers who don't know shit, so I think that they should recognize that my contribution is priceless. They shouldn't HAVE to think about who's doing what job. There most DEFINITELY should not be comments of, "Well, Martinez is the only staff member to do his job" 'cause WTF. I have two jobs and I'm doing a damn fine job, if I do say so myself. I'm still at the top of my classes and make time for all this, so W.T.F.!

I'm also mad 'cause Eric changed the schedule already, that HE typed up, for the leadership interviews. It's like, NO. You can't fuckin' do that. That's so whack. I hate people who go back on their word, after everyone's seen the list for the past two weeks. No, just no. That's like saying, "Here people. You have a project due on this date, no extra time" and saying that over and over weeks in advance, and then when the due date comes, after everyone has stressed and lost sleep trying to finish, "Oh, well, I guess I'll extend it to tomorrow". Yeah, give the slackers a chance, right? WRONG. I know for a fact that the people who lost time wokring their asses off trying to finish the project ontime would be in kill-mode if that were to happen. I know 'cause I've been there myself and I can't stand it. So no. WTF. DIE ERIC DIE! >O

Earlier, I forgot to mention, but when we started with LET1 Superior Cadet, Eric was askin' for suggestions, and me, being the stupid person that I am, nominated someone from my company. Oh, my, it's such a crime, no? It was swiftly rejected and a few minutes later by Eric because SHE'S IN MY COMPANY and OMG I'M BIAS BECAUSE SHE'S MY CADET. After that, there was the general consenous of "Who's a LET1?" and then Eric comes up with his OMG BRILLANT suggestion of, "We should ask the company commanders for input". Umm... WHAT?!~ Who the fuck is a company commander in there?! *waves arms* Who the fuck just got a suggestion rejected?! *waves arms* Who the fuck's suggestion got rejected, EVEN THOUGH it was from a company commander, BECAUSE they were suggesting someone from THEIR OWN COMPANY?!~ *WAVES FUCKING ARMS* Yeah. Contradiction much? I love how much Eric likes to hear himself talk and make a dumbass of himself in front of me. Seriously. It just warms my fuckin' cold heart, oh yes it does.

Can you see how much I love my fuckin' job? Can you tell that I love having my suggestions and thoughts ignored time and time again? Can you see how much I fuckin' LOVE sitting there, knowing that every word I fuckin' say makes no difference to dumb people who don't want it? It's like, why do I even try? Why? It can't be because I want to be proud of what I'm part of. Most definitely can't be 'cause I want to make things better. 'Cause, really now? Me, wanting to look good? Being part of something with a good rep? Come on now, who wants that? Doesn't everyone want to just wallow at the bottom like pond scum? Geez! WHAT was I THINKING?! Forgive my sinful thoughts. I know it had to be seven deadly sins at work. Damn that pride and greed and gluttony and wrath. Oh, can't forget that lust, sloth, and envy now, can we? Tsktsk, why do I even care?

But back to the point.. Am I selfish for wanting to be awarded Superior Cadet? Seriously, I want to know what people think. I mean, I think it's a pretty selfish thing, but at the same time, I think I'm fully justified in being a little selfish. I think that hard work deserves a little recognition, ya know? But then again, not everyone thinks that way, so.. Whatever. Someone tell me please if I'm blowing this thing outta proportion. Maybe I should just let it go and let whoever get it, right? I mean, I KNOW for sure that it'll be me 'cause I know Col. wouldn't overlook my efforts, but it's the fact that these people, my co-workers, my peers, don't think I deserve it at all, is what gets to me. It upsets me so much that no matter what I do, I'm still just the reliable one who gets the work done, but doesn't get any of the credit. I wrote in my college and a scholarship essay that I worked hard in high school to get some recognition for my work and that I succeeded, but I guess that's not true afterall, huh? Guess I'm still a failure there too.. And yes, I'm crying when I write this. ;_; So sue me for caring more than a little. =(


After we finished the meeting, I worked on the magnetic battalion board in the office 'cause I haven't done what Eric asked me to do a couple weeks ago, but then again, there wasn't really any names on it a few weeks ago, so I think I'm fully justified there.. Then later, did my training schedule for the next two weeks, then left for home.



I'm too tired to do any scholarships or work.. I don't think I'm gonna do the Kearny Alumni one, even though I want to.. I just don't have that much energy to do anything anymore.. I still need to write my valedictorian speech, but I can't do it now 'cause I'm afraid my bitter mood will affect how the piece will turn out. Can't be talking about not getting the recognition you deserve, even IF you work hard in my speech, now can I? =/

I hope everyone had a better day than me. I will just go sink into my self-pity now.


~Remula