Remula Wazokana's Dreamwidth

So I worked on my slip case.. Later, at 1:45, decided it was break time and walked to Cal Poly to the bookstore. Bought my black canson paper, a mailing tube thing to hold my drawings, and a few sticks of basswood. The lady who rung me up gave me a HUGE plastic bag to keep my stuff dry since it was still drizzling. I probably looked all retarded carrying that thing bsck. x_x Walked back to my room and worked more on my slip case. It doesn't look all the much different than from yesterday, but whatever.. At 3:30 or whatever, decided it was time to quit and start working on the axonometic drawing of it, so got out the bristol board and drawing board and started working on that. Didn't know what the fuck I was doing 'cause my thing has a lot of angles that AREN'T perpendicular to the sides and I didn't know what to do.. I kept trying stuff, but it wasn't right, so in the end, I erased it all and just put everything away and by then it was 5:15 or whatever. I was gonna go down to dinner then, but bobbleheadvi called then and then he asked what I was doing and then I just started crying 'cause I was so frustrated by the dumb drawing and I worked like, an hour and a half on it and in the end, I had nothing.. And ARGH! I dunno.. It just sucked. And, of course, I couldn't go to dinner then 'cause I was inn crying mood and yeah.. Just sucked. And, of course, at that point in time, my internet also decides to NOT WORK and it just made me cry more..

At in my room and then attempted to work on my English essay a bit.. I got, like, another partial paragraph done. I should do more, but I don't have energy.. And I should at least TRY to make them work together, but again, I'm just blah..

Talked to aznearthdragon for a while, then at 8:330, went to shower. After I was done, bobbleheadvi called me and yeah.. I kinda started crying again just 'cause.. Life sucks and I dunno.. Yeah. Basically, that's all there is to say. Life sucks. Sucks ass.

When I was talking to aznearthdragon on the phone when my internet wasn't working, she put it down for a sec to check something and my dad got on and was like, "You miss Daddy?" and I was like, "Yeah" and I just wanted to cry. So. Freakin'. MUCH. OMG, you don't even know.. ;_; It's like, I'm so homesick and I just want to go home and EIGHT DAYS is too long to wait, but I have to and ARGH! And, you know, what I really want is just to get away from it all, you know? But I won't get that 'cause I'll still have a lot of homework to do during Thanksgiving break and no... I don't want that at all. I want to get away, take a break, and put life on hold so I can get myself together, strengthen my resolve and, you know, get through the next four and a half years ((hopefully only four and a half years)) with less breaking down. But yeah.. a break won't come until winter break and I will savour that SO. FREAKIN'. MUCH. And it'll be the most heavenly three weeks of my life, I'm sure, and then I'll have to go back to my torturous life. x_x And then I won't get a break until spring break, but that one's only a week long, sadly. =/ But whatever.. Take what I can get.. I'm so tired of this shit.. I dunno if I can survive the long haul..

I want to get out so much, you don't even know. But I don't know where'd I go. Everything requires so much work and I'm just not cut out for anything, it seems. I dunno about this whole college thing.. It's so not making me happy.. at ALL. It's suppose to be the greatest time of your life or whatever, but I'm so not feeling it 'cause, yeah.. Architecture? I don't think so. But I hope that there's truth in what all thesse non-architecture majors are saying in that, first year is the hardest 'cause they're trying to scare away the weak or whatever.. I don't think it's true at all, but that it'll most likely always be like this, but a girl can hope, right? I mean, it seems like those 121 kids are having a much easier life, but then again, they do a lot of hand drawing and sometimes I suck at that, so who knows.. But then again, hand drawing compared to abstract shit that I'm always lost at? Hmm.. I dunno.. =/

Oh life, why can't you go a little easy on me? At least for Thanksgiving break? I mean, sure, give me all the work this upcoming week, let me break down some more, but don't mess with my Thanksgiving? That's all I ask.. I just want to not have tons of work from ARCH 131 over my Thanksgiving. I want to rest and have fun and, you know, not think about architecture more than I have to..

I'm so jealous of all the people who went home for this weekend.. They suck. =( I wish I could have went home too.. But it's like, SD is so very far away. I never realized it before now, but everyone else, unless they're out-of-state, is basically closer 'cause they're all between the SF and LA range, but SD is way down there by the border and stuff.. And that just sucks ass 'cause while people have their six hour max train rides, I have my eight and a half. =(


EIGHT days.. I'm totally counting you down.. It just sucks how much work I have to do still and counting down anything makes it seem like there's less time to get work done, but makes the days go longer 'cause I want what I'm counting down...

Only three more weeks (basically) until the quarter is over.. Well, there's finals, but yeah. I only have two and they're on Wednesday and Thursday and then I'm gonna go home on Thursday and I just can't wait for that. I wish my finals were on Monday and Tuesday though, so I could go home on my birthday, you know? But whatever.. Going home Thursday is still good, I say.. An extra day or so of break and all that.. But it's too soon to be thinking of winter break 'cause I still need to get through all my shit.. So yeah.


So all in all? What have we learned? Well, one, life sucks. And two, if you're considering architecture? Do yourself a favor and DON'T. And lastly? Make sure you take people to suffer with you in college.. 'cause I didn't get anyone to come here with me and it sucks 'cause total loner and no one to talk death by architecture with 'cause all them other arch folks don't really talk to me much.. =/


~Remula

So when I came back home from walking bobbleheadvi to the bus stop, I had the urge to just cry 'cause DAMN, it was so quiet.. And it's weird, you know? When you have someone around 24/7 and suddenly they're gone. I mean, he was only here for two days, but still.. I don't know. I guess it's like, at home, I had aznearthdragon around 24/7 and then I had bobbleheadvi for the weekend and it's just weird to go from having the company to.. not. I mean.. I don't know..

But I was doing fine until I was working on my architecture projecct and then suddenly, I just started crying like crazy. I don't know.. It really sucked and I just didn't know what to do, you know? 'Cause fuck.. it was like, I was so lonely and it's like, I don't have any friends here and I don't have anyone to talk to and I just was.. blah. I was crying a lot and called aznearthdragon about it.. But then she had to go, so I called bobbleheadvi about it.. Then he had to go, so I worked on my project some more.. Then a few minutes later, aznearthdragon called me back and we talked about that for a while, then talked about some other things and she cheered me up, so it was good, but yeah..

I don't know what was wrong, exactly. I guess it was the fact that bobbleheadvi was here and it's just a reminder of home, you know? And I want to go home SO bad, you don't even know how much, and it's like.. damn, you know? And the frustration of having no real friends and of all the shit I have to do and just everything.. I guess it's getting to me. I don't know.. I hate it though.. Crying over nothing, but it was someting and it IS something 'cause I want to cry so much right now just thinking about it 'cause I'm writing this and yeah.. Sucks..

Imma stop now 'cause I don't want to cry anymore.. I'm tired and I want to sleep and just.. blah.


~Remula